The big Three-Oh is barreling toward me at 60 minutes an
hour, which is scary fast turns out. It’s got me thinking about adulthood and
what it means to be an “adult” without the familiar trappings that usually
accompany that life phase: spouse, children, career, a first killing. What does
adulthood look like? What are adult habits? What are adult thoughts? (Get your
minds out of the gutter! Those are decidedly junior high thoughts.) What does
it mean to be an adult?
Things I have done this year to bring me closer to
adulthood: a) Consistently listen to NPR on my way to work and on my way home
from work—I will not cop to what I listen to the rest of the time, b) took the
GRE, c) applied to a graduate program that could possibly lead to a career,
d)accomplished a goal I’ve had for a while to train my dog as a therapy dog,
and e)date men. My dog and I were actually supposed to go out on our first solo
therapizing visit yesterday but he died. The patient died. I’m volunteering
with hospice—that might be an important fact to mention.
Thus bringing home mortality and the fact that I’m rapidly
approaching mid-life and I still live at home. I need a role model, a strong
female mentor. Tina Fey’s Bossy Pants while
hilarious and inspiring in many respects did not provide the sort of role model
I feel comfortable following—mostly because she’s so career focused. And I gotta
say, that just does not appeal to me (hello, problem! Nice to meet you).
Hillary Clinton, Suzy Orman, and Mother Teresa fall under that same category.
Who has a decent work/life balance but isn’t necessarily married? Heck! It can
be a guy. It’s sexist of me to limit myself to a female role model, right?
In lieu of a clear role model, here are things that I
associated with adulthood:
- -cleans—as in does dishes immediately after eating/cooking, scrubs the toilette more often than just when company is about to come over, and hangs up clothes rather than piling in the floor next to her “dirty” clothes pile (just for instance)
- cooks—even if living by him/herself, an adult cooks regularly at home (turbo adult points for nutritious food)
- files—doctor invoices? Filed! Car maintenance? Filed! Receipts? Filed! Credit card bill? Double-checked for accuracy instead of never opened and thrown in a drawer!
- exercises—a regular part of the routine
- routines—a routine exists
- lunch dates—adults have lunch dates with friends, clients, family members. Doesn’t it just ring with maturity?
- budgets—knows what kind of lifestyle is possible, puts money back, and budgets for things s/he knows s/he will want in the future or will have to pay for in the future (such as dental work—we’re all getting older and so are our childhood fillings, as I found out this year).
- hobnobs*—adults should have enough life experiences that they have accrued hobbies that they enjoy and pursue regularly as part of their routine.
- schedules—teeth cleaning twice a year, yearly physical, eye exam, oil changes—all scheduled a year out
- currents—stays up-to-date with news by listening to NPR or reading the NY Times or watching nightly news—whatever it is, they know who their congressional representative is and how they hope s/he votes on such and such a bill and how it will affect the state and the nation (maybe this is too high an expectation, but when I get in conversations with “adults” I feel like they know everything and have really thought it through carefully with a much wider frame of reference than I have access to [probably because I don’t read newspapers and sometimes don’t listen to NPR so I can listen to I Heart Radio])
Looking at this list, I see that I perceive much of
adulthood as a productive routine. One that allows the adult to plan for the
future. One that feeds the dog every night at 5:30 rather than sometime between
the hours of 5 and midnight. One that provides structure for those desirable
adult activities. When I think of those of my friends that are the most “adult,”
they are above all organized individuals with structured routines. They’re also
not afraid to tell me no when I want to hang out and they have something else
planned, like cleaning the house. I will say yes to just about anything rather
than clean my house. Which, if you’ve ever visited me unannounced, explains a
lot. Hm?
So here are my questions I leave you with. 1) Who is your
role model? 2) What characterizes an adult in your mind? 3) If you don’t see
yourself as an adult, what is it that is preventing you from achieving that? Is
it a prioritization issue? Is it Peter Pan syndrome?
*I do know that to hobnob
is to socialize or rub elbows with. But I like the word and I’ll use it however
I feel like. You knew what I meant, and that’s the sole purpose of language
anyway.
